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Teaching Children to Be Grateful

12/22/2014

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Want your child to be grateful for what he has? Here's a roundup of surprisingly simple ways -- from sending thank-you notes to feeding pets -- for him to learn a sense of gratitude.

By Charlotte Latvala 

A few years ago, my son A.J., then 4, was obsessed with getting a robotic dog. Whenever we drove past a toy store, he started his pleading. Convinced that nothing would make him happier than that dog, my husband and I broke down and bought him the most expensive version on the market for Christmas. "He will be so thankful when he opens this gift," we told ourselves. And yes, A.J. was thrilled -- for about a week. Then, we noticed the dog spent most of its time in his closet, as A.J. begged for other, even more expensive toys -- a drum set, a riding mini-Jeep, a huge playhouse. "You'd think he'd be grateful for what he has," I complained to my husband, Tony. "The more we give him, the less he appreciates it."

The Art of Appreciation

Gratitude is one of the trickiest concepts to teach toddlers and preschoolers -- who are by nature self-centered -- but one of the most important. Sure, thankful children are more polite and pleasant to be around, but there's more to it than that. By learning gratitude, they become sensitive to the feelings of others, developing empathy and other life skills along the way, says Barbara Lewis, author of What Do You Stand For? For Kids (Free Spirit Publishing, 2005). Grateful kids look outside their one-person universe and understand that their parents and other people do things for them -- prepare dinner, dole out hugs, buy toys. "On the flip side, kids who aren't taught to be grateful end up feeling entitled and perpetually disappointed," says Lewis.

Indeed, instilling grateful feelings now will benefit your child later in life. A 2003 study at the University of California at Davis showed that grateful people report higher levels of happiness and optimism -- along with lower levels of depression and stress. The catch? "No one is born grateful," says life coach Mary Jane Ryan, author of Attitudes of Gratitude (Conari, 1999). "Recognizing that someone has gone out of the way for you is not a natural behavior for children -- it's learned."

Teaching Gratitude in the Early Years

When Do Kids Get It?

Toddlers are by definition completely egocentric. Still, children as young as 15 to 18 months can begin to grasp concepts that lead to gratitude, says Lewis. "They start to understand that they are dependent; that Mom and Dad do things for them," she says. In other words, toddlers comprehend that they are separate human beings from their parents, and that Mom and Dad often perform actions to make them happy (from playing peekaboo to handing out cookies) -- even if kids that age can't articulate their appreciation.

By age 2 or 3, children can talk about being thankful for specific objects, pets, and people, says Ryan. "When my daughter Annie was 2, our family would go around the dinner table each night and say one thing we were thankful for," she says. "Annie wasn't particularly verbal, but when it was her turn, she would point her finger at every person -- she was grateful for us!"

By age 4, children can understand being thankful not only for material things like toys but for acts of kindness, love, and caring.

How to Teach It

Children model their parents in every way, so make sure you use "please" and "thank you" when you talk to them. ("Thanks for that hug -- it made me feel great!") Insist on their using the words, too. After all, "good manners and gratitude overlap," says New York City etiquette consultant Melissa Leonard, a mother of two young daughters.

Work gratitude into your daily conversation. 

Lately, we've been trying to weave appreciation for mundane things into our everyday talk -- with A.J., his big sister, Mathilda, 10, and especially with our 2-year-old, Mary Elena. ("We're so lucky to have a good cat like Sam!" "Aren't the colors in the sunset amazing?" "I'm so happy when you listen!") When you reinforce an idea frequently, it's more likely to stick. One way to turn up the gratitude in your house is to pick a "thanking" part of the day. Two old-fashioned, tried-and-true ideas: Make saying what good things happened today part of the dinnertime conversation or make bedtime prayers part of your nightly routine.

Have kids help.

It happens to all of us: You give your child a chore, but it's too agonizing watching him a) take forever to clear the table or b) make a huge mess mixing the pancake batter. The temptation is always to step in and do it yourself. But the more you do for them, the less they appreciate your efforts. (Don't you feel more empathy for people who work outside on cold days when you've just been out shoveling snow yourself?) By participating in simple household chores like feeding the dog or stacking dirty dishes on the counter, kids realize that all these things take effort.

Find a goodwill project. 

That doesn't mean you need to drag your toddler off to a soup kitchen every week, says Lewis. Instead, figure out some way he can actively participate in helping someone else, even if it's as simple as making cupcakes for a sick neighbor. "As you're stirring the batter or adding sprinkles," she says, "talk about how you're making them for a special person, and how happy the recipient will be."

Encourage generosity. 

"We frequently donate toys and clothes to less fortunate kids," says Hulya Migliorino, of Bloomingdale, New Jersey. "When my daughters see me giving to others, it inspires them to go through their own closets and give something special to those in need, as well."

Insist on thank-you notes. 

Paula Goodnight, of Maineville, Ohio, always makes her girls (Rachel, 10, Amelia, 6, and Isabella, 3) write thank-yous for gifts. "When they were toddlers, the cards were just scribbles with my own thank-you attached," she says. "As they grew, they became drawings, then longer letters." Younger children can even dictate the letter while you write, says Lewis. "Just the act of saying out loud why he loved the gift will make him feel more grateful," she says.

Practice saying no. 

Of course kids ask for toys, video games, and candy -- sometimes on an hourly basis. It's difficult, if not impossible, to feel grateful when your every whim is granted. Saying no a lot makes saying yes that much sweeter.

Be patient. 

You can't expect gratitude to develop overnight -- it requires weeks, months, even years of reinforcement. But trust me, you will be rewarded. Four years after the robotic dog fiasco, I can now report that A.J. is a grateful, cheerful boy who delights in making other people happy. Sure, he asked for lots of gifts this Christmas, but he was just as excited about requesting gifts for his sisters. "They've both been good girls and deserve something special," he wrote in his letter to Santa. Now I'm the one feeling grateful.

Surviving the Holiday Gift Glut

Limit extracurricular giving. 

Set -- and stick to -- a no-gifts policy with play-date, Sunday-school, or preschool buddies.

Take the big day slowly. 

Instead of one huge gift-grabbing frenzy, have family members open presents one at a time. "You can make it a little ritual, with all eyes on the person opening the gift," says Ryan. "That way, you have a few moments for appreciation built in."

Stash 'em. 

Put half of the gifts away (out-of-town relatives won't know, and neither will your preschooler) and dole them out as rainy day surprises throughout the year.

Downplay the presents. 

Put more emphasis on celebrating -- making cookies, attending church, decorating the tree, lighting the menorah, visiting relatives.

Take them shopping. 

For other family members, that is. Even better, have them create homemade gifts -- even if it's a crayon drawing. Children get immense pleasure out of giving gifts and seeing you express gratitude to them.

Charlotte Latvala, a mother of three, lives in Sewickley, Pennsylvania.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, November 2005.


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STRONG WILLED CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING, NOT A CURSE

12/10/2014

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STRONG WILLED CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING, NOT A CURSE

MAR242014

by Lynnette  at Simply for Real

click here to view the website

When my kids were young, I would sometimes wonder what I had done wrong when child after child was born into our family with a hefty dose of “strong will.” I would longingly observe other families whose children seemed so mellow and easy to please. My kids were “spirited.” They were often disobedient. They were constantly testing my patience. It was their way or the highway – or at least a lot of screaming and other such nonsense if their way was not granted. I began to wonder if strong will was a genetic trait.

One Sunday, I was out in the hallway at church with a particularly fussy Andrew, who was about three years old at the time. While he was screaming, a sweet elderly woman came up to me and said “Your kids are so cute.”

I glanced down at my screaming toddler, and wondered if she was talking to the right person.

“They have some spunk,” she went on, “which means that they will accomplish great things.”

I told her that I hoped she was right, and she confidently assured me that she was. Quite honestly, I was a little stunned at her timing. She had seen me come to church week after week, and watched me struggle with my rambunctious children. She knew that I spent more time walking the halls while trying to keep them quiet than actually sitting in the meetings. I did not understand why she had picked that particular moment, when my patience was shot and my child was screaming, to tell me that my kids were full of potential.

I did understand, however, that she was no ordinary woman. She was a women whom everybody admired. She had raised five amazing children of her own. She was quiet, but when she spoke people listened, because she was the personification of wisdom. I wanted to be just like her. And, here she stood, telling me that things with my kids, which felt completely overwhelming at that time, would turn out OK. Did she know of the inner struggle that I often had – wondering why I even attempted church – wondering what I could do to teach these little ones? I desperately wanted to believe her. But, how could she be so sure? She didn’t really know MY kids.

As I walked away and pondered her words, my heart filled with hope. Although I was struggling, I had to believe that she knew something that I didn’t know. I think she knew MANY things that I didn’t know. And, maybe…just maybe…she was the answer to my prayers – a sweet assurance that this stage would not last forever, and that my seemingly impossible children had come to me with strong wills because they would NEED them to accomplish great things later in life. I found comfort in that.

I have looked back on this experience many times since then. I have thought about her words as I have struggled through countless difficult stages with my kids. I have thought about them as I have watched difficult stages fade into sweet stages of understanding and growth. I have thought about them as I have witnessed unreasonable children grow into thoughtful and self-motivated teenagers, whose strong wills are now ingrained into their characters in a way that strengthens them and others. There is now no doubt in my mind that this sweet woman knew what she was talking about that day so many years ago. She knew, as I am now learning, that strong will in a child is nothing to fear. It is a BLESSING.

Of course, those children require guidance. They require extra patience. They require strong leaders (parents) who gently, but firmly, remind them that they still have much to learn – that their way is not always the best way. They require parents who can teach them how to channel that strong will into useful pursuits, which sometimes seems daunting in and of itself.

There have been times in the midst of teaching such a child when I have felt like I was teaching a brick wall. There have been times when I have felt like I was going backwards instead of forwards. There have been times when I have desperately wanted to throw my hands in the air and scream, and times when I have done just that. But there have also been moments when I have felt like I was the student instead of the teacher. There have been moments when I have sat back and watched, in awe of the drive and conviction that is coming from that same child. In those moments, I have seen small glimpses of the greatness that is within them – the greatness that is still in the process of emerging from its cocoon.

With my oldest child being only 15 years old, I know that I still have much to learn, and years to go until I will see the full outcome of my work. I know that no outcome is guaranteed, despite my efforts. Yet, I have come to trust in the words of my elderly friend, whose knowledge and wisdom far exceed my own. They keep me going when times get tough.

Perhaps you can gain strength from her words also. May you rely on them, as I have, when you can’t quite see the forest above the trees. May you rely on them when you wonder if the life altering transformation from caterpillar to butterfly will ever occur. May you lean on them when your patience is continually tested to the very extreme, and when you are fairly confident that one more day of this frustration will break you.

Trust my wise elderly friend. She knows.



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Why Pre-Schoolers Should #WriteNotSwipe!

11/17/2014

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by April B. Whitlock, Owner & CEO of Fundanoodle (www.fundanoodle.com)

I’ve spent the last two days at the North Carolina Association of Elementary Educators conference. It’s been a great (and confidence building) opportunity due to the overwhelming positive feedback to the Fundanoodle product. But one thing kinda of scares me. The fact that every single teacher who stopped by to check us out agreed that collectively we are raising a generation of children who cannot fully use their hands.

It’s not just the random educator who tells me about an isolated incident in the classroom of one student who cannot use scissors or properly hold a pencil. It’s EVERY Kindergarten teacher talking about the MAJORITY of the classroom. It doesn’t matter if they teach at a high-income school, a Title 1 school, a high-performing school or a struggling school. The onset of touchscreen technology and increasingly tech-savvy (and tech-focused) parents mean we are raising kids with one really, really strong index finger on their dominant hand as they swipe their way to learning.

Traditionally, pre-school was a time of active play that stimulated the development of hand strength and muscle skills. Now private school J-K teachers tell me that the parents want to know why Johnny is spending time cutting and ripping and pasting when he should be learning on the computer or iPad.  Schools are holding parent education seminars to explain why hand strength is critical to future educational success because teachers are witnessing deteriorating core strength and motor skill development. Weekday school teachers tell me how scissors have been banned in the classroom because Little Suzy got a hair cut by her classmate last year. It’s devastating to hear this for many reasons (and not the least of these is that Fundanoodle makes scissors that do not cut hair - but I digress). Fine motor skills, hand strength, using all five fingers are basic skills that humans need. It’s not a “handwriting vs. keyboarding” argument. It’s a “does-your-child-struggle-to-tie-shoes-or-button-shirts-or-snap-pants-on-their-own” argument.

Granted it’s not a medical epidemic, but do we really understand the long term ramifications for undeveloped hand strength?  How much longer does it take your musical protégée to master her instrument? Is your budding artist hindered because it hurts her hand to hold a paint brush too long? Are there impacts on the performance of your future All-Star athlete if his hands are not fully developed? Is your future brain surgeon developing the fine-motor skills and finger strength needed to one day save a life? And, honestly, if you need strong hands to play the piano wouldn’t that infer that you need strong hands to effectively use a keyboard?

Don’t get me wrong – I love my iGadgets and I understand that because of technology my children will have educational opportunities I never dreamed possible.  And, trust me, I get the allure of the screen. Even though I own a company that touts active learning, I’m as guilty as the next Mom of turning on the minivan DVD for a quiet ride, handing the fussy 3 year old the phone or turning on a movie so I can have a moment to make dinner. But, I’ve quickly learned that if a child is directed to something with a kinetic stimulation ( I Can Pound! or I Can Build!) most  pre-schoolers will forget anything screen related and engage. Further proof that children are programmed to use all 10 fingers on both hands!

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Halloween Safety Tips

10/18/2014

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Halloween is an exciting time of year for kids, and to help ensure they have a safe holiday, here are some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

ALL DRESSED UP:

Plan costumes that are bright and reflective. Make sure that shoes fit well and that costumes are short enough to prevent tripping, entanglement or contact with flame.


Consider adding reflective tape or striping to costumes and trick-or-treat bags for greater visibility.

Because masks can limit or block eyesight, consider non-toxic makeup and decorative hats as safer alternatives. Hats should fit properly to prevent them from sliding over eyes.

When shopping for costumes, wigs and accessories look for and purchase those with a label clearly indicating they are flame resistant.

If a sword, cane, or stick is a part of your child's costume, make sure it is not sharp or too long. A child may be easily hurt by these accessories if he stumbles or trips.

Obtain flashlights with fresh batteries for all children and their escorts.

Do not use decorative contact lenses without an eye examination and a prescription from an eye care professional. While the packaging on decorative lenses will often make claims such as “one size fits all,” or “no need to see an eye specialist,” obtaining decorative contact lenses without a prescription is both dangerous and illegal. This can cause pain, inflammation, and serious eye disorders and infections, which may lead to permanent vision loss.

Teach children how to call 9-1-1 (or their local emergency number) if they have an emergency or become lost.

CARVING A NICHE:

Small children should never carve pumpkins. Children can draw a face with markers. Then parents can do the cutting.

Consider using a flashlight or glow stick instead of a candle to light your pumpkin. If you do use a candle, a votive candle is safest.

Candlelit pumpkins should be placed on a sturdy table, away from curtains and other flammable objects, and should never be left unattended.

HOME SAFE HOME:

To keep homes safe for visiting trick-or-treaters, parents should remove from the porch and front yard anything a child could trip over such as garden hoses, toys, bikes and lawn decorations.

Parents should check outdoor lights and replace burned-out bulbs.

Wet leaves or snow should be swept from sidewalks and steps.

Restrain pets so they do not inadvertently jump on or bite a trick-or-treater.

ON THE TRICK-OR-TREAT TRAIL:

A parent or responsible adult should always accompany young children on their neighborhood rounds.

If your older children are going alone, plan and review the route that is acceptable to you. Agree on a specific time when they should return home.

Only go to homes with a porch light on and never enter a home or car for a treat.

Because pedestrian injuries are the most common injuries to children on Halloween, remind Trick-or-Treaters.

Stay in a group and communicate where they will be going.

Remember reflective tape for costumes and trick-or-treat bags.

Carry a cellphone for quick communication.

Remain on well-lit streets and always use the sidewalk.

If no sidewalk is available, walk at the far edge of the roadway facing traffic.


Never cut across yards or use alleys.

Only cross the street as a group in established crosswalks (as recognized by local custom). Never cross between parked cars or out driveways.

Don’t assume the right of way. Motorists may have trouble seeing Trick-or-Treaters. Just because one car stops, doesn't mean others will!

Law enforcement authorities should be notified immediately of any suspicious or unlawful activity.

HEALTHY HALLOWEEN:

A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.

Consider purchasing non-food treats for those who visit your home, such as coloring books or pens and pencils.

Wait until children are home to sort and check treats. Though tampering is rare, a responsible adult should closely examine all treats and throw away any spoiled, unwrapped or suspicious items.

Try to ration treats for the days following Halloween.

©2014 American Academy of Pediatrics

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5 Ways to Read to Children Who Won't Sit Still for Books

9/15/2014

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This article is from Scholastic
Scholastic Parents: Raise a Reader

5 Ways to Read to Children Who Won't Sit Still for Books
Help ease your active child into reading without forcing him to sit and listen.
By
Allison McDonald

"He won't sit for books!"

"I'd read to her if I thought she was listening…"

These comments are not uncommon. Young children are natural movers; they explore the world with all their senses, and sitting still isn't a priority. As parents, we don't want to force our kids to sit and spend what should be reading time instead redirecting or disciplining them for doing what comes naturally. What message are we sending them about reading?

Instead of forcing our kids to fit into a mold, let's change the mold. Find ways to read and share books with them that keep reading positive and let them ease into reading calmly, when they are ready.

Here are some tips to help you ease your active child into reading without forcing him or her to sit and listen.

1. Read to your child at bedtime when she is already expected to stay put. Set her up for success by choosing one short book and increasing the number of books and their length as her attention span increases. Use this time to get her connected to a few favorite books that you can try offering up during the day. If that flops, stick to bedtime and try again a little later.

2. Read to your child while he is in the bath. My children loved this because they were able to splash, scoop, and pour the water in the bath while listening to me read.

3. Try active books that you can read to your child while she acts it out. Our favorite is Eric Carle's From Head to Toe.

4. Read dynamic books that include flaps, different textures, and other novel items for your child to engage with physically. These let children who aren't reading yet feel like they have a job to do as well.

5. Audio books. There are audio books for all levels. Pop one in the car while you go for a drive. You can even hand your child the traditional copy to follow along.
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Play in Preschool: Why it Matters

8/4/2014

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By Traci Geiser

Parents often hear of the importance of play in preschool. But playing with dolls and blocks seems to have little to do with the academic knowledge that children will need to succeed in kindergarten. So why is it so important?

Play is the foundation for all learning for young children, and giving your child the time and a few basic toys can provide her with a variety of valuable learning opportunities. “Play is how children begin to understand and process their world,” says Angie Rupan, Program Coordinator for Child Development Center in South San Francisco, CA and early childhood educator for over 20 years. “Children's play unlocks their creativity and imagination, and develops reading, thinking, and problem solving skills as well as further develops motor skills. It provides the base foundation for learning.”

Why is play so important and what do preschoolers learn when they play? Try a few of these simple ideas with items you have around your house and learn about the educational benefits that each can provide for your child.

Language and Vocabulary Development

When playing with other children or adults, vocabulary and language skills are fostered. Your child will listen and learn the language she hears without even realizing. Children will learn to use language to communicate meaning as well as picking up new words and hearing the grammatical structure of the English language.

Vehicles and Animals. Playing with cars, trucks and trains as well as animals provides for many new vocabulary words as children learn the names of each, what they do, what they eat or where you can find them. Additionally, children and adults can create all kinds of scenarios that the vehicles or animals might find themselves in, providing for further language and vocabulary development.Dollhouse and Dolls. Playing with a dollhouse or dolls allows your child to reenact what happens in her everyday life, using the words and phrases she hears. You are likely to hear your own words come out of her mouth as she recreates events that have happened, perhaps with an outcome more suited to her liking!

Imagination and Creativity

In our fast paced and high tech society, children have fewer and fewer opportunities to use and develop their creativity. Children who are not given frequent opportunities to play may have a difficult time entertaining themselves as they simply do not know what to do without instruction. By providing opportunities for open ended play, your child will automatically get her creative juices flowing, and the possibilities are endless.

Dramatic Play. provide a few props such as dishes and play food, empty food boxes and a cash register or stuffed animals and a doctor’s kit, and your child will be transported into a different place! Watch and be amazed at what she will come up with as she plays.Craft Supplies. Without a specific project complete, provide your child with a variety of craft supplies such as markers and crayons, scraps of fabric or paper, empty boxes or containers, glue, buttons and stickers. Allow her to create anything she likes and watch her inner artist emerge!

Problem Solving and Mathematics

Children can solve complex problems that arise as they play and learn a few mathematical principals as well. Blocks and puzzles are excellent “basics” to provide your child with many opportunities to foster these important skills.

Blocks. Playing with blocks provides for many problem solving scenarios. How can we make it balance? How tall can we make this tower? Can we build a castle? Children also learn some basic math concepts with the various shapes and sizes of the blocks.Puzzles. When trying to make puzzle pieces fit, children are gaining important math and problem solving experience. Learning a bit about sizes (is the piece too big for that spot?) and shapes (does the shape of the piece look the same as the hole?) You can encourage this learning by engaging in conversations as your child plays. Your child will also gain an important sense of accomplishment as her practice leads to a completed puzzle in the end.

Gross and Fine Motor Development

Gross motor skills involve the large muscles of the legs and arms while fine motor development is building the muscles of the hands that will be used for writing. Play can provide many opportunities to work on strengthening these muscles without your child even being aware of it!

Stringing Beads and Lacing. Giving children beads and plastic tipped laces provide a fun way to work on fine muscle control. Your child can create a beautiful necklace while strengthening the fine motor muscles. Lacing cards or child safe needles and burlap will also provide fun “sewing” projects for young children.Balls and Balance Beams. Kicking balls and walking on balance beams can help your child become more coordinated. Get outside and kick a ball around, create a goal area to make it a game. Anytime you see a narrow brick wall or wooden plank, give your child some assisted practice at balancing.

Gather up the toys you have around the house and make it a point to provide ample time for play. Playing around with your child is sure to provide many wonderful childhood memories and reap some great educational benefits as well!

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